Here comes the rain again

Today was a rather mind bending day. This morning everyone loaded up and drove a little less than an hour to a beach area where some people live by the beliefs and customs of native Hawaiian's. A woman Dr. Benham just got into contact with gave us a great account of her district's stories and beliefs. The magic and energy many people feel in Hawaii came through in her descriptions. Really inspiring stuff. Shortly after story time we wandered slightly down the black sand beach to view a Hawkbilled Turtle catching some rays just above the water line. The group split apart at this point as the Benham's van headed back to KMC and the other two headed to Kona for the weekend. With only the Benham's, Brook, short Lisa and I around, plans for the afternoon were easy.

Instead of enriching ourselves in the deep cultural or natural aspects of this sacred land, we opted to go into Hilo to enter the all-too-common realm of shopping malls and movie theatres. Brook, Lisa and I purchased our movie tickets and killed the time until the 4pm showing. We saw Magnolia. Umm, it's difficult to sum up this most unique of filmmaking experiences without viewing it multiple times. Casting, writing, cinematography, and music were all superb and made up the body and shadow of this simply titled and masterfully executed film. I'll never look the same way at rain again.

After the movie we met up with the Benham's and drove back to KMC. The three of us lounged around here at the firehouse eating cheese, BBQ Chips, and watching a show about car design on TLC. When 10pm rolled around I was pushed by the strange feeling in my stomach to try to reach Sarah via phone for the fifth time today. Connection was easy and she had just woken up. In the short and impressively clear conversation we attempted to catch up on one another's vast, new, and incredible experiences. It was a great talk with only a few side effects. Let me elaborate.

I've been having a great time here. Missing Sarah aside, being totally out of contact with her produced a better emotion/feeling inside me than what I now feel. In some strange way it was easier to know nothing about her life over there. This is only true because trying to cram two weeks of all new experiences inside of a 30-minute telephone conversation is a futile task. The over 7,000 miles that physically separates us right now is painful. Now that I know something about her life there my internal male engine has not changed its gears. I commonly find myself speculating and pondering about what she could possibly be going through over there. With or without real information directly from the source, my mind still does this and makes me feel almost robbed in a way. Robbed only because of the jealousy that arises from the speculation. Now I suppose that's a good (albeit uncontrollable) sign that I love her but it doesn't really feel good. I know and trust our relationship yet I find myself jumping through the typical hoops of "what if?" Aside from the unavoidable attraction to Sarah by the male half of the species, I become jealous of anyone that gets to be with her in these times besides me. Although modern marvels such as delay-free intercontinental telephone and instant email messages have bridged some communication gaps, they don't truly allow two people to grow together with their experiences. The bottom line remains that 1) I can do nothing about that and 2) for our love to truly exist it must be capable of enduring.

Enduring-shmuring. I want Sarah!

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Sat. January 15, 2000, 11:36pm PST

Here comes the rain again

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