Why no one's buying tickets for the Olympics

• big brotheropolis
• the athletes don't want to play for fear that their missed serves will be tracked on radar
• those patriot missiles could be rooting for the other country's team
• they're using zepplins!!!
• no one likes to compete in a cage
• he's selling the tickets
• it's like Miami Vice only Greek-style
• because they're not just breaking plates, their bustin' terrists' skulls

Here're my reasons:

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